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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy hats and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Boiler ! Boiler who ? Boiler egg for four minutes !
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Priceless Joke
It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house. As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. 'No, ' replied the man on the roof. 'I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me. ' So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. 'Climb in!' shouted a man in the boat. 'No, ' replied the man on the roof. 'I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me. ' So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. 'No, ' replied the man on the roof. 'I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me. ' So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned. Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. 'Heavenly Father, ' he said, 'I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?' God gave him a puzzled look, and replied 'I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?'
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, 'Say, father, what causes arthritis?' 'Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man. ' 'Well I'll be. ' the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?' 'I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. '
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Women Joke
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, 'It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. 'Immediately, the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, 'Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store, there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is till ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, I finally got back to answer it. 'The pharmacist continues, 'It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!!!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Castor ! Castor who ? Castorblanca !
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Just for Laughs Joke
What do you call a girl with only one arm and one leg? Eileen!
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Simple Joke
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. 'Tim, you be first, ' she said. 'What does your mother do all day?' Tim stood up and proudly said, 'She's a doctor. ''That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?'Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, 'My father is a mailman. ''Thank you, Amie, ' said the teacher. 'What about your father, Billy?'Billy proudly stood up and announced, 'My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse. 'The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation. Billy's father said, 'I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?'
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Sport Joke
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, Who's driving? A: The police.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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