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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy gigs london and other funny jokes |
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Pensioner Joke
A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, 'You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?'
The 60-year-old responded, 'Did I say he was dead?'
The doctor was surprised and asked, 'How old is he and is he very active?'
The 60-year-old responded, 'Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer. '
The doctor couldn't believe it. So, he asked, 'Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?'
The 60-year-old responded again, 'Did I say he was dead?'
The doctor was astonished. He said, 'You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?'
The 60-year-old said, 'He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that,' said the patient, 'my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again. '
The doctor said, 'At 106-years, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?'
His patient looked up at the doctor and said, 'Did I say he wanted to?'
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Idiot and fool Joke
Did you hear about the stupid woodworm? He was found in a brick.
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Law and Lawyer Joke
Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?A: not enough cement
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Dog Joke - 2
What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself.
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Dirty Joke
Winnie-the-Pooh is eating a roll. Piglet arrives. - Give me some roll, Winnie! - It's not a roll, it's a bun. - Give me some bun, Winnie! - It's not a bun, it's a bap. - Give me some bap, Winnie! - Get lost, you pig! Stop being such a pain in the neck! You can't even make up your mind!
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.
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War Joke
A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt. 's green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say's, 'Why yes I am. . . you wanna wear my hat?' The boy nods and the hat is placed on his head. As the boy admired himself in the mirror, the bathroom door slammed open and an old Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt walked in. He was decked out in his Dress Blue Uniform, with medals down his chest. The boy, seeing the uniform asked him, 'Hey, are you a Marine?' The Gunnery Sgt peared down at the boy and responded, 'That's right! Why? Do wanna suck me off?' The boy replied nervously, 'I-I-I'm not in the Army!! I'm just wearing his hat!!'Sent by Brian
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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