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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy dublin and other funny jokes |
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Humorous Joke
Some Words of Wisdom. . . The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?Few women admit their age and few men act theirs. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. LOVE: Two vowels, two consonants, and two fools. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Forget about world peace. . . Visualize using your turn signal. WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math. PURITANISM: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. There are 3 Kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?Ever stop to think, and then forget to start again?DIPLOMACY: The art of saying 'nice doggie!' until you can find a rock. Lead me not into temptation. . . I can find it myself.
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Ethnic Humor
'Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?' the solicitor questionedhis client. 'Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?''Oh, no, ' replied Mrs. O'Connor. 'Shure now, we have a carport. 'The solicitor tried again. 'Well, does the man beat you up?''No, no, ' said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. 'I'm always first outof bed. 'Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. 'Well, does he go in forunnatural connubial practices?''Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything aboutthe connubial. 'Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. 'What I'm trying to find out arewhat grounds you have. ''Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds. ''Mrs. O'Connor, ' the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, 'you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for youseeking this divorce?''Ah, well now, ' said the lady, 'Shure it's because the man can't hold anintelligent conversation. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored? A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.
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Women Joke
Why did the women cross the road?Well thats not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen?!!!
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Legal Humor
Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek?Nobody will look for them.
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Various animal Joke
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!
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Food and Drink Joke
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. 'Oh, I really don't care or mind, ' said the waiter with a smile. 'We don't even have an air conditioner. '
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Joke for Speeches
Plan ahead. . . It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big. Don't listen to critics - do what must be done. Build on high ground. For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Two heads are better than one. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board. . . but then so were the turtles. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat. When things get really deep, don't sit there and complain--shovel!Stay below deck during the storm. The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside. Don't miss the boat. Repeat. . . Do NOT miss the boat. . . No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the horizon.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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