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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club surrey and other funny jokes |
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Mom Joke
Aunt Karen is the mother of two high-spirited young girls. When I called her one morning, our conversation was constantly interrupted by the din of kids screaming and chasing each other. 'Could you hold on for a moment?' my aunt finally asked, putting down the phone.
Within ten seconds all I could hear was absolute silence. Then, 'Okay, I'm back. '
'But it's so quiet!' I exclaimed. 'You must have complete control over those two. '
'Not really,' my aunt confessed wearily. 'I'm in the closet. '
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky.
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bullet ! Bullet who ? Bullet all the hay and now he's hungry !
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School Joke
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!
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Farmer Joke
A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life. 'It's pretty good Pa. The food's not bad, the work's easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning. '
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Travel and tourist Joke
There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. 'Everything's big in Texas ma'am, ' said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. 'I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas, ' said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. 'Please!' she screamed. 'Don't flush it!'
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Dumb Joke
Dumb Alabama Laws It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. You may not drive barefooted. It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty. It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy. Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men. Masks may not be worn in public. Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death. Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. Bear wrestling matches are prohibited. It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile. Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex. Incestous marriages are legal. It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. You must have windshield wipers on your car. You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. Anniston You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. Jasper It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. Lee County It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday. Mobile It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels. It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits. Montgomery It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)
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Romance Joke
The young playboy took a blind date to an amusementpark. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. Theride completed, she seemed rather bored. 'What would you like to do next?' he asked. 'I wanna be weighed, ' she said. So the young mantook her over to the weight guesser. 'One-twelve, ' said the man at the scale, and he wasabsolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, hebought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he askedwhat else she would like to do. 'I wanna be weighed, ' she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thoughtthe young man, and using the excuse he had developed aheadache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home soearly, and asked, 'What's wrong, dear, didn't you have anice time tonight?' 'Wousy, ' said the girl.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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