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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club oxford and other funny jokes |
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Dumb Joke
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. 'Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night. ' 'Have you tried counting sheep?' 'That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it. '
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua? Shorts!
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Insect Joke
What pillar doesn't need holding up ? A caterpillar !
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Dance Joke
Who is tall, dark and a great dancer ? Dark Raver !
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Funny Kids Joke
A Garbage man was walking along whistling while balancing a bin on his head and one on each shoulder.
'How do you manage to do that?' asked a young girl.
'It's easy,' replied the garbage man, 'you just put your lips together and blow. '
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Situation Joke
This guy goes to sperm bank to give a sample. So the girl At the front desk says to him:'Thank you for coming. '
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Foreigners Joke
A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, 'Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?' The Saudi replied, 'Excuse me, but what is a shortage?' The Russian said, 'Excuse me, but what is meat?' The North Korean replied, 'Excuse me, but what is an opinion?' The New Yorker replied, 'Excuse me, but what is 'excuse me?''
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Joke for Holidays
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselvesstanding before the pearly gates of Heaven, where StPeter and the Devil were standing nearby. 'Gentlemen, ' the Devil started, 'Due to the fact thatHeaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed tolimit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone ofyou can ask me a question which I don't know or cannotanswer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell. 'The philosopher then stepped up, 'OK, give me the mostcomprehensive report on Socrates' teachings, ' With a snapof his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. 'Then, go to Hell!' With another snap of his finger, thephilsopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked, 'Give me the most complicatedformula you can ever think of!' With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. Themathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it wascorrect. 'Then, go to Hell!' With another snap of hisfinger, the mathematician disappeared, too. The idiot then stepped forward and said, 'Bring me achair!' The Devil brought forward a chair. 'Drill 7 holeson the seat. ' The Devil did just that. The idiot then saton the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, heasked, 'Which hole did my fart come out from?'The Devil inspected the seat and said, 'The third hole fromthe right. ''Wrong, ' said the idiot, 'it's from my asshole. ' Andthe idiot went to Heaven.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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