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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club newcastle and other funny jokes |
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Funny School Kids Joke
My friend is so stupid that he speaks twice before saying nothing.
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Marriage Joke
Attorney to witness: 'What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?' Witness: 'Where am I Cathy?' Attorney: 'And why did that upset you?' Witness: 'Because my name is Susan. '
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Joke Online
The real interpretation of corportate titles:CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Leaps tall building in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Discusses policy with GodPRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with GodEXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if special request is approvedVICE PRESIDENT: Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by GodGENERAL MANAGER: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles Talks to animalsMANAGER: Runs into buildings Recognizes locomotive two out of three times Is not issued ammunition Can't stay afloat with a life preserver Talks to wallsTRAINEE: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building Says 'look at the choo-choo' Wets him/herself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles Mumbles to him/herself***************************************************** SECRETARY: Lifts buildings and walks under them Kicks locomotives off the tracks Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth Freezes water with a single glance To all of the above. . . is God! *****************************************************
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Funny College Joke
After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bud's trailer house, Bud asked, 'What is the usual tip?' 'Well, ' replied the youth, 'this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great. ' 'Is that so?' snorted Bud. 'Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars. ' 'Thanks, ' replied the youth, 'I'll put this in my school fund. ' 'What are you studying?' asked Bud. The lad smiled and said, 'Applied psychology. '
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Bumper Stickers - 1
I SWERVE to HIT People at Random!
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School Joke for Kids
A woman was walking down the street past a pet shop, and when she looked in the window there was a gorgeous parrot for sale with a sign that said '$50. 00'. She had always wanted a parrot, but had found them to be too expensive, so she rushed in and asked the proprietor, 'Why is this parrot so cheap?''Well, ' he replied, 'You see, that parrot was in a brothel for awhile, and learned some bad language, so nobody seems to want it. 'How bad could it be?, the woman thought. Finally, she decided to buy it anyway, as it was such a beautiful bird. She took it home in a cage and put it on the table. The parrot looked around and said 'Awk! New House, New Madam!''Well, ' the woman thought, 'That's not so bad. 'Then the woman's two daughters came home from school. 'Awk!', the parrot said, 'New Madam, New Whores!'Well, that upset them a bit, but they tried to laugh it off, and decided that wasn't so bad either. Then the woman's husband came home from work. 'Awk!' The parrot said, 'New Madam, New Whores, Same old faces! Hi George!'
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Parent Joke
Son: What is an autobiography? Father: Er, the story of an automobile.
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Situation Joke
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, 'Did you see that?' The second guy says, 'No. ' 'A bald eagle just flew over head. ' 'Oh. ' A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, 'Did you see that?' 'No. ' 'Therewas a black bear walking on that hill over there. ' 'Oh. ' A few minutes later the second guy says, 'Did you see that?' The second guy, getting aggravated, says, 'Yes, I did!' The first guy then says, 'Then why did you step in it?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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