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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club leicester square and other funny jokes |
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Celebrities Joke
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turnedto an attendant standing nearby. 'This, ' she said, 'I suppose, is one of thosehideous representations you call modern art?''No, madam, ' replied the attendant. 'That one's called a mirror. '
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Business Joke
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said 'Rest in Peace'. The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was , the florist said. 'Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
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Gender Joke
The story of someone getting a haircut. Women's version:Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute! Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. Men's version:Man2: Haircut? Man1: Yeah.
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Situations Humor
A department store had to call off its special summer sale in August because of a conflict -- its Christmas sale was beginning two days later.
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Religious Joke
Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, 'I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me. '
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Bible Joke
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. 'Mommy' she said 'Can we leave now?' 'No' her mother replied. 'Well, I think I have to throw up!' 'Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush. ' In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. 'Did you throw up?' her mother asked. 'Yes' the little girl replied. 'Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?' 'I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy' the little girl replied, 'They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'. '
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American Joke
'You should be ashamed,' the father told his son, 'When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school. ' 'Really?' the kid said. 'Well when he was your age, he was president. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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