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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club leicester sq and other funny jokes |
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Free Adult Joke
Slow out of the gate. Smarter than the average bear. Smoke doesn't make it to the top of his chimney. So boring, his dreams have Muzak. So dim, his psychic carries a flashlight. So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him. So dumb, he faxes face up. So dumb, his dog teaches him tricks. So far gone, hard drugs push him closer to normal. So fat, people jump over him rather than go around. So slow, he has to speed up to stop. So slow, we drive stakes in the ground to measure his progress. So stupid, he tries to drown fish. So stupid, mind readers charge her half price. So ugly, robbers give him their masks to wear. Solid concrete from the eyebrows backwards. Some Assembly Required. Some bugs in his software. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled. Some of her inodes have nodded off. Some pages missing. Somebody lend her a quarter to buy a clue. Somebody put a stop payment order on his reality check. Someday when she's younger. . . Someone blew out his pilot light. Someone else is doing the driving for that boy. Someone let the air out of her lock. Sort of like an inverse Einstein. Source code is missing a few lines. Speaks math/FORTRAN better than English.
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who’s there
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework, Dad, I’m stuck!
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Animal World
Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. 'Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?' If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. 'John, ' he said, shaking his head, 'I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good. ' 'Well, ' John said, taking the barstool next to him, 'If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this. . . . ' 'I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to work, but ol' Bes starts a slappin' me with her tail. After a minute or so, I got fed up with it, so I threw a rope up over the rafters, and tied ol' Bessy's tail to the rafters. Then I got back to work. ' 'I didn't even get two squirts into the bucket, when Bes gives me a kick. Knocked me clean off the stool! Boy, did that upset me! So I get me another rope an' tie Bessy's right hind leg to the side of the milking stall, and get a started trying to milk her again. ' 'Well by this time, Bessy's about livid, and she doesn't want any part of it, so she let's me have it with her other hind leg. I wasn't about to give in to this ol' cow, so I got me yet another piece of rope and tied up Bessy's left leg to the other side of the stall. ' Just then John paused to take a sip his beer. Chris, distracted for a moment from his own troubles, asked John, 'Well, did you finally get to milk her?' 'Well, yes and no, Chris. But I'll tell ya what. . . If you can convince my wife that I was out there to MILK that cow, I'll BUY a tractor from ya. . . . !'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Hang up and drive.
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Rabbit Joke
Why are rabbits never gold? How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
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Internet Joke
How are you getting on with the Internet? Surf far, so good.
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Ethnic Joke - 1
One Scot came back from work earlier then usual and saw plumber's car in the front of the house. - Oh my God, I hope it is her lover.
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Space Joke
What did the alien say to the gas pump ? Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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