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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club leeds and other funny jokes |
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Medical Joke
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
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Politics Humor
Did you hear the latest theory about Monica Lewinsky?It may never be proven but they think she may be theyoungest woman to have ever held the Presidency.
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Ethnic Joke - 1
A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of serviceby sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful girl, nude, lying onthe bed. She says, 'Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that thepresident of the board arranged for you. 'The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of theTemple Board and says, 'Greenberg, what were you thinking? Where's yourrespect? I am the moral leader of our community! I am very angry with youand you have not heard the end of this. 'The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her andsays, 'Where are you going? I'm not angry with you. '
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Car and train Joke
Policeman: Why are you driving without a license? Motorist: Because it was revoked months ago.
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Computer Joke
Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of 'IEEE'? A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Miscellaneous Joke
I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so. . Do you have a piece of gum?
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Bumper Stickers - 3
F U Cn Rd Ths U Cnt Spl Wrth A Dm!
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Worst Joke
'Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife. ' 'How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?' 'I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind. ' 'I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you. ' 'Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?' 'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. ' 'If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister. ' 'As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy. . . ' 'Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!' 'Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again. ' 'Someday I hope to get married, but not to you. ' 'Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine. ' 'Happy Birthday! You look great for your age. . . Almost Lifelike! 'When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise. ' 'I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys. ' 'We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits. ' 'I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here. ' 'Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?' 'You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket. . . . I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. ' 'Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep. ' 'Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!' (available only in Arkansas)
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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