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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club exeter and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Burns ! Burns who ? Burns me up !
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Weird Women Joke
Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?A: To smell like big girls.
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Miscellaneous Joke
After dozens of very expensive tests and weeks of hospitalization, the rich old man was told he had only 24 hours to live. He immediately called his doctor and his lawyer to his room. He asked the doctor to stand by one side of his bed and his lawyer to stand by the other. After standing for some time, the doctor asked 'What do you want me to do?' 'Nothing. Just stand there. 'A while later, the lawyer asked 'What do you want me to do?' 'Nothing. Just stand there. 'As the hours wore on, the doctor and the lawyer watched the man weaken. When his time had almost arrived, the doctor and the lawyer again asked 'Why are we standing here?''Well, ' said the old man, 'Christ died between two thieves, so I thought I'd do the same!
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: 'Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been. '
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Humor Joke
Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library? Both the books got burned, and one hadn't even been coloured in yet.
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Computing Joke
WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr 002: No Error - Yet WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ? WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of. WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System destroyed. Buy new one. WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not! WinErr 01A: OS overwritten - Please reinstall all software. WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will suffer a penalty for that. WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate. WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code. WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers. WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost. WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again. WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue. WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded. WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure. WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only '50
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Top 100 Joke
These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: 'Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy. ' Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: 'There's nothing athletes like - or indeed hate - more than hanging around like this. ' - David Coleman, BBC 1 TV 'Not being in the Rumbelows Cup for those teams won't mean a row of beans, 'cos that's only small potatoes. ' - Ian St John, ITV 'Oldham are leading 1-'0
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Travel Humor
Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they gofor a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, theywill get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girlwalking out of the ocean. She reaches into the topof her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly drycigarette and book of matches and lights up. Theladies go up to the girl and ask, 'How do you keepyour cigarettes dry?' Her answer, 'I put them insideof a condom. ' The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for acondom. When the pharmacist asks, 'What size?' one ofthe ladies says, 'It should fit a Camel. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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