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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club croydon and other funny jokes |
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Sports Joke
A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby. 'Help ! Help!' screamed the woman, 'I need someone to catch my baby!' A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then the goalkeeper, stepped forward. 'I'm a professional goalkeeper,' he called to the woman. 'I'm renonwned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball. ' The woman agreed:'Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball. ' On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.
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Funny Kids Joke
What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?Cross mouse cards!
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Heart Attacks. . . God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends
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Children Joke
A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride's side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said, 'I was being the ring bear. '
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Math Joke
A mathematician gives a talk intended for a general audience. The talk is announced in the local newspaper, but he expects few people to show up because nobody who is not a mathematician will be able to make any sense of the title: Convex sets and inequalities.
To his surprise, the auditorium is crammed when his talk begins. After he has finished, someone in the audience raises his hand.
'But you said nothing about the actual topic of your talk!'
'What topic to you mean?'
'Well, the one that was announced in the paper: Convicts, sex, and inequality. '
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Medicine Joke
A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatristsuggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the firstpicture and asks the man what he sees. 'A man and a woman making love in a park, ' the man replies. The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the man whathe sees. 'A man and a woman making love in a boat. 'He holds up the third picture. 'A man and a woman making love at the beach. 'This goes on for the rest of the set of pictures; the man says hesees a man and a woman making love in every one of the pictures. At the end of the test, the psychiatrist looks over his notes andsays, 'It looks like you have a preoccupation with sex. 'And the man replies, 'Well, you're the one with the dirty pictures. '
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Children Joke
Why are you crying, Ted ?' asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt. ' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet. ' 'But they are the only feet I have. '
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Music Joke
Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door? A: The doorbell shrieks!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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