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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club camden and other funny jokes |
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Comedy Joke
A man goes to the doctor and says, 'Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?''I think that is a wise decision, ' the doctor replies. 'Let's see, do you smoke?' 'Oh. . Half a pack a day. ' 'Starting NOW, no more smoking. ' The man agrees. The doctor then asks, 'Do you drink?' 'Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while. ' 'Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions. ' The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, 'How do you eat?' 'Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff. ' 'Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese. ' The man is now really worried. 'Doc, is all this really necessary?' 'Do you want to live long?' 'Yes. ' 'Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet. 'The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, 'Do you have sex?' 'Yeah, once a week or so. . . , only with my wife!' he adds hurriedly. 'As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None. 'The man is appalled. 'Doc. . . Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?''I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you it is going to seem like an eternity!'
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Totally Strange Humor
Q: What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote. Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton?A: The President after Bush. Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab. Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?A: 'Don't hit your head on the desk. 'Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President's day?A: All pants half off. Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?A: They both blew the big one several times. Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?A: The Executive Branch. Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common?A: They both have slots which say 'Insert Bill' here. '
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Hair and bald Joke
Peg-Leg Baldy A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume party. Being shy and self-conscious about his appearance, he goes to the best costume shop in town. When he gets there, he tells the shop owner his situation and that he would rather cover his head and leg with a costume instead instead of exploiting his apparent problems. So, the shop owner comes back with a lifeguard costume. The man says, 'No, no. That will show off my peg leg. I can't hide it with that. Try again. ' So the shop owner leaves and comes back with a monk costume And again the man says, 'No, no. I can't wear that. It will make people notice my head. ' Obviously pissed off, the shop owner leaves and comes back with a five-pound bag of caramels, gives it to the man and says, 'Here. Just take this. ' Confused, the man says, 'What am I suposed to do with a bag of caramels?' Smiling, the shop owner says, 'Take home this bag of caramels, melt them, pour it all over your body, stick that peg leg up your ass and tell everyone you're a caramel apple. '
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Ethnic Joke - 1
How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations.
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Dog Joke - 2
Why did the dog wear white sneakers ? Because his boots were at the menders !
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Christmas Joke - 2
What reindeer can jump higher than a house? They all can! Houses can't jump!
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Journalist Joke
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, 'Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal. ' The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town. 'Well, then, ' the reporter said, 'the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'. ' 'Actually, ' the man said, 'I'm from Connecticut. ' 'In that case, ' the reporter said in a huff, 'the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'. '
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Business Joke
Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they see a man walking below. One of the balloonists calls down to him:'We're lost! Can you tell us where we are?'The man thinks for a while, looks down, looks up, looks down again, stares into space for a minute, and then cries out:'You're in a balloon!'The wind picks up, and the balloon floats off. After a moment, one balloonist says to the other:'That man must be a manager. ''Why?''Three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer. Second, he was perfectly correct. Third, his answer was perfectly useless!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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