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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club bournemouth and other funny jokes |
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School Joke for Kids
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asked her, 'What are you up to?'Alice smiled. 'I'm going hunting with you!'Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, 'If you see a deer, take careful aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot. 'Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: 'Get away from my deer!'Confused, Jake raced faster towards his screaming wife. And again he heard her yell: 'Get away from my deer!' followed by another volley of gunfire!Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake was surprised to see a guy standing there with his hands high in the air. The guy, obviously distraught, said, 'Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!'
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Horse Joke
What's black and white and turns cartwheels? A piebald horse pulling a cart!
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Hunting Joke
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, 'The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind. ' They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, 'Do you know where we are?' 'I think so, ' replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!'
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Joke for Kids
Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.
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Christmas Joke - 1
Dear Friends, I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers-piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit. On top of all this! Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone. Love, Santa
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Job and Office Joke
An old blacksmith relized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. 'Don't ask me a lot of questions, ' he told the boy. 'Just do whatever I tell you to do. ' One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. 'Get the hammer over there, ' he said. 'When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard. ' Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
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Priceless Joke
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he couldoutdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun ofone of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had hadenough. 'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is, ' he said. 'I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow overto that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back. ''You're on, old man, ' the braggart replied. 'Let's see what you got. 'The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said. . . 'All right. Get in. '!
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Joke for Halloween
One day a man drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. The man went up to the farmer and said, 'Excuse me sir, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?''Well, ' said the farmer, 'that there pig is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the pig and he saved me, my wife, and my 2 kids. ''That's amazing sir but why does that pig onlly have three legs?' said the man. 'Then there was that time the pig saw a big storm coming and we didn't. The pig ran into the house and dragged us out to the storm cellar. If it weren't for that pig we would all be dead. ''But still, that doesn't explain why the pig only has 3 legs. ''And I remember the time my youngest son was stuck up in a tree but I was too far away to hear him scream. The pig came running towards me and led me to where he was. ''Well, that is miracle but how come that pig only has 3 legs?' the man said quite annoyed at this point. 'Well, ' said the farmer, 'with a pig that special. . . you have to eat 'em real slow. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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