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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club blackpool and other funny jokes |
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Kids Puns
The official year 2000 Redneck Census Form:Last name: _______________________First name: (Check appropriate box)(_)Billy-Bob(_)Billy-Joe(_)Billy-Ray(_)Billy-Sue(_)Billy-Mae(_)Billy-JackWhat does everyone call you?(_)Booger(_)Bubba(_)Junior(_)Sissy(_)Other____________Age:____ (if unsure, guess)Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sureShoe size:____ Left ____ RightOccupation:(Check appropriate box)(_)Farmer(_)Mechanic(_)Hair Dresser(_)Unemployed(_)Dirty Politician(_)PreacherSpouse's Name:_____________2nd Spouse's Name:_______________3rd Spouse's Name:_______________Lover's Name:_______________Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)(_)Sister(_)Brother(_)Aunt(_)Uncle(_)Cousin (_)Mother(_)Father(_)Son(_)Daughter(_)PetNumber of children living in the home:_____Number of the children living in the shed:_____Number that are yours:_____Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Father's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade commpleted)(Check appropriate box)Total number of vehicles you own:___Number of vehicles that still crank:___Number of vehicles in front yard:___Number of vehicles in the back yard:___Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___Firearms you own and where you keep them:____truck____bedroom____bathroom____kitchen____shedModel and year of your pickup:196_Do you have a gun rack?(_)Yes (_)No; If no, please explain:Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:(_)The National Enquirer(_)The Globe(_)TV Guide(_)Soap Opera Digest(_)Rifle and ShotgunNumber of times you've seen a UFO:_____Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:___Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:____How often do you bathe?(_)Weekly(_)Monthly(_)Not ApplicableColor of eyes: Left_____ Right_____Color of hair:(_)Blond(_)Black(_)Red(_)Brown(_)White(_)ClairolColor of teeth:(_)White(_)Yellow(_)Brownish-Yellow(_)Brown(_)Black(_)N/ABrand of chewing tobacco you prefer:(_)Red-ManHow far is your home from a paved road?(_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)just a whoop-and-a-holler(_)road?
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock Who's there ? Colin ! Colin who ? Colin all cars, Colin all cars !
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Miscellaneous Joke
A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt. 'Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?'
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Medical Joke
I said to the doctor 'I have this ringing in my ears. 'He said, 'Don't answer it!'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
D'oh!
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Joke for Halloween
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under hisarm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, 'Hey Bob! Whacha get thecase of beer for?' 'I got it for my wife, eh. ' answers Bob. 'Oh!'exclaims Doug, 'Good trade!'
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Joke for Halloween
A person wanted a parrot who talked. Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking. 'Yes, ' the pet store owner said, 'this bird has a vocabulary of about 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions. 'The deal was made and the parrot was brought home complete with a cage. The next day the purchaser went back and said the parrot had yet to say a word. 'That's to be expected, ' said the pet shop owner. 'Try getting the bird a few of the toys that were here for the bird to use in the shop. It just needs to feel at home with you. ' Toys were purchased and a day went by. The parrot's owner returned and said there still had been no talking. 'I see, ' said the pet shop owner. 'Perhaps if you got a bird bath, the parrot would start to talk while using it. ' A bird bath was purchased and yet another day went by. The next day the owner was back with the same complaint. This time the pet shop owner mentioned that sometimes the bird had been praised in its training by being allowed to ring a little bell. The parrot's owner bought the bell reluctantly. The following day the parrot's owner was there waiting as the store opened. 'Still no luck?' asked the store owner. 'No. Nothing said yet, ' answered the bird's owner. 'Well, I bet the bird's just lonesome for some of the birds here at the shop. ' 'What? You want me to buy another bird!?!' yelped the unhappy owner of the parrot. 'No, no, calm down, ' reassured the store owner. 'All you have to do is get a mirror and the bird will think it has a companion. 'At last the sale of a mirror was agreed upon. The pet store owner the next day opened the store and found the troublesome customer had returned . . . this time with the parrot, only it was dead! 'What happened?' asked the store owner, 'Didn't the bird ever talk?' 'Yes, right before it died it said: What's the matter? Don't they sell birdseed at the pet store anymore?'
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Teeth Joke
Fan: I've always admired you. Are your teeth your own? Actor: Whose do you think they are?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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