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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy club belfast and other funny jokes |
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Relationships Joke
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife 'Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. NowI want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But, . . I must know, did he have a different father?'. . . The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. 'Yes. Yes he did. '. . . The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks 'Who?. . Who was he? Who was the father?'. . . Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says 'You'.
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Apple Joke
What reads and lives in an apple ? A bookworm !
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Answer me this Joke
What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?
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Mad Joke
'80
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Legal Humor
The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking:Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter 'the House') ageneral lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but notlimited to, a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc. , had been affixedby and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief thatSt. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter 'Claus')would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. thechildren, of the aforementioned House were located in their individualbeds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, whereinvision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in saiddreams. Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred toas 'I'), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the partsof the second part (hereinafter 'Mamma'), and said Mamma had retired fora sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad invarious forms of headgear, e. g. kerchief and cap. )Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon theunimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i. e. thelawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in theHouse to investigate the cause of such disturbance. At that time, theparty of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/ordisbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter 'the Vehicle') being pulledand/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, thepreviously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8)reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen(hereinafter 'the Deer'). (Upon information and belief, it is furtherasserted that an additional co-conspirator named 'Rudolph' may have beeninvolved. )The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deerintentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of severalresidences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, andnoted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and otheritems of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation orpermission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in ared fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementionedpackages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared tobe tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances andhealth regulations. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of theminor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and othersmall gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute 'gifts' to saidminor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U. S. Tax Code. ) Uponcompletion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where theVehicle and Deer waited and/or served as 'lookouts. ' Claus immediatelydeparted for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from saidHouse, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim:'Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!' Or words to that effect.
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Waiter Joke
Waiter, what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae ? Skiing sir !
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Father Joke
Physics Teacher: 'Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?'
Student: 'Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything
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Book title Joke
Romantic Remembrance by Valentine Card
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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