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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy clips online and other funny jokes |
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Stand Up Joke
Little four-year-old Julie was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep. After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Julie looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, 'Didn't he come with batteries?'
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Elephant Joke
What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old ? Six weeks old !
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Anne Boleyn ! Anne Boleyn who ? Anne Boleyn alley !
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Funny Kids Joke
Why shouldn't you take an elephant to the zoo?Because he'd rather go to the movies!What's blue and has big ears?An elephant at the North Pole!What's grey and lights up?An electric elephant!What's big and grey and protects you from the rain?An umbrellaphant!What do you do with a green elephant?Wait till it ripens!What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants!A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said, 'You know you really need help''Yes I do', said the elephant, 'get this kid off my foot!' What happened to the elephant who ran away with the circus?The police made him bring it back!Why are elephants wiser than chickens?Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant?!What do you call an elephant that can't do sums?Dumbo!
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Math Joke
A mathematician and an engineer attend a lecture by a physicist. The topic concerns Kulza-Klein theories involving physical processes that occur in spaces with dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The mathematician is sitting, clearly enjoying the lecture, while the engineer is frowning and looking generally confused and puzzled. By the end the engineer has a terrible headache. At the end, the mathematician comments about the wonderful lecture.
The engineer says 'How do you understand this stuff?'
Mathematician: 'I just visualize the process. '
Engineer: 'How can you visualize something that occurs in 9-dimensional space?'
Mathematician: 'Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to 9. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
My other car is a piece of shit.
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Romance Joke
I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. Mysecretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there itwas, on the back of a kitchen chair.
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Miscellaneous Joke
Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go. ' If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions 'to keep them tuned up. ' Reply to everything someone says with 'that's what YOU think. ' Practice making fax and modem noises. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and 'cc. ' them to your boss. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. Finish all your sentences with the words 'in accordance with prophesy. ' Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. Disassemble your pen and 'accidentally' flip the ink cartridge across the room. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the background color on your email so that all your email correspondence is in green, and insist to others that you 'like it that way. ' Staple papers in the middle of the page. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a 'croaking' noise. Honk and wave to strangers. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. . type only in lowercase. dont use any punctuation either Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: 'Do you hear that?' 'What?' 'Never mind, it's gone now. ' As much as possible, skip rather than walk. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, 'no, wait, I messed it up, ' and repeat. Ask people what gender they are. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Sing along at the opera.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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