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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy christmas songs and other funny jokes |
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Mother Joke
Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don't.
If you can't remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn't.
The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
Never criticize your mother's cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
Mother's way is best. If you don't believe it, ask her.
When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures are your own fault.
Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you've already done it.
The longer it's been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
There are always two sides to a story - the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
Mothers always 'know. ' We don't know how - they just do.
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Spelling Joke
Luke had it first, Paul had it lost; boys never had it; girls have it but once; Miss Polly had it twice in the same place, but when she married Peter Jones she never had it again. What is it? The letter L.
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Spoof Joke
Happiness is defined as opening your refrigerator to find your mother-in-law's picture on the milk carton.
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Answer me this Joke
Does killing time damage eternity?
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Humorous Joke
Where did the fortune-teller go on her vacation? To Palm Beach.
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Medicine Joke
A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, 'Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The badnews is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The goodnews is our hospital has just been certified to do braintransplants and there has been an accident right out frontand a young couple was killed and you can have whicheverbrain you'd like. The man's brain costs $'100
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Bumper Stickers - 3
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
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Miscellaneous Joke
A Networkologist's Christmas''Tis the night before Christmas, ' I thought with a frown. I was stuck at the office. The network was down. The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed. Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed. Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun, Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run On 84 desktops way down in accounting. I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I saw that a server had something the matter. There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive. 'No problem, ' I thought. 'I'm set up with RAID5. 'But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable! 'No problem, ' I thought. 'I've tape backup to thank. ' And then I discovered my backups were blank. The UPS burped, and its lights all went out. I started to scream! I started to shout! But nobody heard as I vented my rage. My gurus were all on vacation those days. And nobody's tech support answered the phone. I was nose deep in trouble, completely alone. When out at reception, I heard a soft knock. As the hands just touched midnight on my desktop clock. 'What's your problem?' he asked. 'Never mind, friend, I know. I checked out your network five hours ago. I did some proactive analysis, soI knew that this time bomb was going to blow. ' Who was this guy? Who did he think he was? He was dressed in red coveralls, white beard, black gloves. His eyes had the twinkle of technical genius. His smile cut down personal distance between us. He spread out his tools, and went straight to his work. 'Whoever configured this network's a jerk, ' He said with a :-) as he quickly rebooted, Uploaded some software, and smoothly rerouted The LAN to a WAN that he quickly supplied With bandwidth at least 20 gigabits wide That went via wireless, I think, LEO, To tech support elves waiting at the North Pole. 'Now bridging, now routing, now Ethernet hubs!' He chanted as each piece of hardware he rubbed. 'Cheer up, my good friend! Lose that mindset so tragic!Technology often looks just like some magic To people who don't understand what we do. Now a switch, emulation, now middleware glue! Look at the protocols, check one or two, Debug a bit, test a bit, presto! We're through!' My data was back! Every system checked out! Tears of joy wet my face as I wandered about. 'How can I thank you? You must be Saint Nick!'He said, 'Really, my friend, it's not such a great trick, If you don't give up hope, focus on what you're doing, And read all your issues of NETWORK COMPUTING. ' And I heard him exclaim, as his reindeer were coursing, 'Merry Christmas to all! And consider outsourcing!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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