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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy bunker ruislip and other funny jokes |
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Humorous Joke
LIFE UNDER THE SEAWhat is life like under the sea? Is it a dogfish eat dogfish world? Is everyone united for a common porpoise? Or do they all split off in their own special groupers? Well, one tragic story indicates it's not so perfect down there. There was once a brilliant sturgeon on the staff of the community health fishility. He was in fact one of it's flounders. Wiser than salmon, a fin fellow who would never shrimp from his responsibilities, he was successful and happy and always whistled a happy tuna. One day one of his patients, a mere whipper snapper, started trouting around telling everyone the sturgeon's treatments had made him more eel than he had been and the conked him with a malpractice suit. Well, the sturgeon was in a real pickeral. The board chased him off the staff and demanded his oyster. But fortunately the case smelt to high heaven so the judge denied the plaintiff's clam. The board tried to hire the sturgeon back but by then he had hit the bottlenose pretty hard. But what's really shad about the story is that the sturgeon ended up on squid-row. . .
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Village Idiot Joke
Quotes taken from actual employee evaluations:1. 'Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. '2. 'I would not allow this employee to breed. '3. 'This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be. '4. 'This young lady has delusions of adequacy. '5. 'Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. '6. 'When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. '7. 'He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. '8. 'This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. '9. 'This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts, the better. '
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Vampire Joke
Two men were having a drink together. One said, 'I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife. ' 'Why's that?' asked the other. 'Because she's always trying to bite my head off, ' he replied.
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Irish Joke
Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $'100
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Bar Joke - 2
Two men walked into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have ducked.
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Witch Joke
What did the young witch say to her mother? Can I have the keys to the broom tonight?
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?
A short one!
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Best Joke
Any argument that a man and woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument. A man marries a woman, expecting she will never change, and she does. A woman marries a man expecting he WILL change, and he doesn't.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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