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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy book publishers and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What would you call an Arab who owns a harem of cows? A: A milk sheik!
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Joke for Holidays
Knock Knock. Who's there?StanStan who?Stan back or I'll be sick on your shoe!!!!
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Men Joke
Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?He has an Adam's apple that isn't an appleTwo calves that will never become cowsA nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhereA roof of the mouth that won't cover anythingTwenty nails that won't hold a boardA chest that won't hold linenTwo boobs that won't give milkTwo buns that won't feed anyoneA belly button that won't buttonTwo balls that won't rollAn ass that won't pull a plowAn organ that won't play musicA cock that won't crow
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Weird Women Joke
Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?'Oh', sighed Judy, 'I had a wonderful time. ''I thought as much', her mother remarked, 'Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!'
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Just for Laughs Joke
Hangover: The wrath of grapes. Income Tax: Capital punishment. A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be. Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie. To my sweetheart: My cooking's gotten better since I fondue. A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats, and the police didn't have anything to go on. Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words. Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication. Did you hear about the woman who started dating rakes and fell on hard tines?Why won't melons elope in Las Vegas? They cantaloupe. Q: What do Christmas and a crab on the beach have in common?A: They both involve sandy claws. Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins. Kleptomaniac: One who can't help himself from helping himself. Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?Once I got angry at the chef of an Italian restaurant, so I gave him a pizza my mind. The fish secretary lodged herself in a pipe and could no longer type. Her doctor said, 'This is a clear case of 'Carp in tunnel' syndrome. 'A friend of mine who commutes to work everyday through the Lincoln Tunnel with a bunch of co-workers recently complained about what a pain it was. I told him that he may have a bad case of 'car pool tunnel syndrome. 'California smog test: Can UCLA?The competition at a local dog show was quite 'Ruff'Q: How did the pig with laryngitis feel?A: Dis-gruntled.
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Totally Weird Joke
My husband and I had just finished tucking our four young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Eric's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Eric's ear. Eric was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, 'Do it again, Dad!'
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Practical Joke
ValueJet: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you. ValueJet: We're Amtrak with wings. Join our frequent near-miss program. On flights, every section is a smoking section. Ask about our out-of-court settlements. Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off. Complimentary champagne during free-fall. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you. The kids will love our inflatable slides. You think it's so easy, get your own plane! Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes? Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose. ValueJet: We may be landing on your street. ValueJet: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us. Bring a bathing suit. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view. That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots. Fly ValueJet. Find out there really is a God. ValueJet: A real man lands where he wants to.
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Marriage Joke
A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, 'help, help, I am having a heart attack', the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says 'daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet', husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, 'Bob, god damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids'!!!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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