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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of comedy birmingham and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober. He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, 'You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!' The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, 'You're drunker than I thought!', taking the rest of the alcohol away, 'That cat isn't coming in, it's going out!'
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Just for Laughs Joke
Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately, it was born without arms or legs -- without even a torso. It was just a head. Still, the Coopers loved and cared for their child, spoiling and indulging it. Finally after twenty years, they took a much-needed vacation and whom should they meet on the cruise ship but a European doctor who had recently achieved a medical breakthrough. 'I know, ' he said, 'how to attach arms and legs to your child, how to make him whole. 'The Coopers cut their trip short, rushed home and into the room where the head lay in its crib, and said, 'Honey. . . Mom and Dad have the most wonderful surprise for you!'Noooooo!, ' shrieked the head, 'Not another hat!'
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Joke for Halloween
If you think you're having a bad day. . . read these true stories!1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $'80
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Mental health Joke
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
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American Joke
Three Things to Ponder:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
C O W S
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq . Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. . . It creates a hostile work environment.
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Humor Joke
Sammy: My parents are sending me to camp. Tammy: Why? Do you need a vacation? Sammy: No. They do!
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Bar Joke - 2
A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde went on a trip to the desert. They each brought one item for survival. The red-head brought water. The blonde asked, 'Why?' The red-headreplied, 'To prevent us from dying of thirst. 'The brunette brought food. The blonde asked, 'Why?' The brunettereplied, 'To prevent us from dying of hunger. 'The blonde brought a car door. The red-head and brunette asked, 'Why?' The blonde replied, 'To roll down the window if it gets hot. '
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Judge Joke
Judge: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are on dead people.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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