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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of college practical jokes and other funny jokes |
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Miscellaneous Joke
One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children. Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car. So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach. When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well. the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said 'mom mom guess what?' 'What?' I pissed out a bullet. So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago. Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said 'mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet. ' So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago. Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said 'mom mom guess what?' The mom said 'let me guess you pissed out a bullet. ' 'No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bat ! Bat who ? Bat you'll never guess!
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Mother Joke
While assembling furniture, my friend Debbie asked her roommate's five-year-old son to bring her a screwdriver.
'Do you want a 'Daddy' screwdriver or a 'Mommy' screwdriver?' the little boy asked.
Confused but preoccupied, Debbie absentmindedly said, 'Bring me a 'Mommy' screwdriver. '
The child came back and handed her a butter knife.
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Idiot and fool Joke
Iraq has just ordered two thousand septic tanks from Russia. As soon as the Iraqis learn to drive them, they are going to invade Iran.
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Miscellaneous Joke
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. 'They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator, ' she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. 'Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake. '
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Worlds Best Joke
Love 'em or hate 'em, it's Pun time. Puns, or 'groaners' like some folks like to call them are fun. Try 'em on your friends and relatives, but keep a straight face when you tell them and be preapared for GROANS. . . then you'll see why they are called so. . . enjoy and pass 'em on!Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time. Dijon vu: the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating: always use condiments. I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax. If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Banning the bra was a big flop. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. Without geometry, life is pointless. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
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College Humor
*** NOTE: This joke may be offensive to some. STOP HERE if you are offended by religious jokes. ***************************************************************A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, 'Where is Jesus today?'Steven raised his hand and said, 'He's in heaven. 'Mary was called on and answered, 'He's in my heart. 'Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out -'I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!'The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, 'Well. . . every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells -'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!?'!'
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Clinton Joke
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis? A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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