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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of clean valentine jokes and other funny jokes |
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Fun Joke
Nowe u two can rite gud!Howe two rite gudFrank L. ViscoVice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising. My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat. )Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Contractions aren't necessary. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. One should never generalize. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: ``I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. 'Comparisons are as bad as cliches. Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. Profanity sucks dick. Be more or less specific. Understatement is always best. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. One-word sentences? Never. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. The passive voice is to be avoided. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. Who needs rhetorical questions?Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly. Do not use them pronouns as modifiers. And never start a sentence with a conjunction.
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Bird Joke
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ? 'You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours !'
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Sporting Joke
Q. What do you get if you cross a skunk and a pair of tennis rackets? Ping Pong!
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Bicycle Joke
Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes, said the gym teacher. 'Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy. ' 'I'm freewheeling, sir. '
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Science Joke
There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands andkicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that islying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off. All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp. Genie, ' Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is afag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won'teven give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will itbe. 'The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come upwith what they wanted to wish for on such short notice. Fag1 says, ' Could you give us just a little time to think about it? Imean one wish we need a little time. 'The Genie looks down and says, 'Alright you can take as long as youwant but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I justcan't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind justwish for it and it will done. 'At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky. Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room anddecide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotionstook over and they starting doing all that fag stuff. Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busteddown and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw arope around their necks. Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says, ' You know this might be a good time useour wish. 'Fag2 says, 'I already made it. 'Fag1 ' What the hell did you wish for?'Fag2 ' Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers. '
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At Work Joke
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, 'Your first job will be to sweep out the store. ''But I'm a college graduate. ' the young man replied indignantly. 'Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that, ' said the manager. 'Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how. '
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Movie and TV Joke
Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Uh. . . standby, I'll check on that.
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Sport Joke
Golfer: 'That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old. ' Caddy: 'It's a long time since we started, sir. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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