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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of clean humour and other funny jokes |
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Marriage Joke
As supposedly reported on CNN:Undercover police, staging the wedding of 'a drug kingpin's daughter', let it be known on the street that dealers were 'invited' (i. e. Expected to attend). The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was 'S. P. O. C. ' (COPS, backwards), and the wedding went through the full ceremony, including the dancing afterward. The long-sought dealers were arrested after the 'band' took their break. The last song the band played before taking its break? 'I Fought The Law, And The Law Won'
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Naughty Joke
One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride withno experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed upand started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies. Things are going fine until the bride discovers herhusband's penis. 'Oh my', she says, 'What is that?''Well, darlin', the cowboy says, 'That's ma rope'. She slides her hands further down and gasps. 'Oh my goodness. What's them?' she asks. 'Honey, them's my knots', he answers. Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, 'Stop honey. Wait a minute'. Her husband, panting a little, asks, 'What's the matter honey?Am I hurting you?''No', the bride replies. 'Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!'
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Clean Humor
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Assorted Joke
Rosemary had been divorced for a few years and was finding life very lonely. Finally, after much persuasion, she consented to go out on a date with Andy, a gentleman her daughter fixed her up with. Andy picked her up and they went to a very secluded spot to have a picnic. Andy had also been divorced for quite some time and found himself very attracted to Rosemary. Despite her initial resistance to his advances, he finally suceeded in making love to her. Rosemary was mortified at her lack of self-control and sobbed, 'I don't know how I'm going to face my daughter, knowing that in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!' 'What do you mean, twice?' Andy asked. 'We only did it once. ' 'Well, you're going to do it again, aren't you?' Rosemary asked.
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Humor Joke
Q. What do you call a ginger bread man wit one leg? A. Limp biskit
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Joke for Kids
Did you hear about the Polish girl who tried to trade her menstrual cycle in on a Honda?
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Kids Puns
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT. She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER. She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW-COST PROVIDER.
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Vampire Joke
Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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