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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of clean football jokes and other funny jokes |
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Election Joke
Al Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, 'What's in the box, kid?' The little boy says, 'Kittens, they're brand new kittens. ' Al Gore laughs and says, 'What kind of kittens are they?' 'Democrats,' the child says. 'Oh, that's cute,' Al Gore says and he runs off.
A couple of days later, Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead. Al says to Bill, 'You gotta check this out,' and they both jog over to the boy with the box. Al says, 'Look in the box Bill, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey, kid, tell my friend Bill what kind of kittens they are. ' The boy replies, 'They're Republicans. '
'Whoa!' Al says, 'I came by here the other day and you said they were Democrats. What's up?'
'Well,' the kid says, 'Their eyes are open now. '
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Kids Joke
The Hazards of Kicking the Cat There was a little boy with a bad attitude. He was at home one day doing his chores. He was feeding the chickens and he got mad and kicked one across the yard. He was feeding the hogs and got mad and kicked the hell out of one of them also. He was milking the cow and it kept hitting him in the face with its tail so he kicked it, too. His mom had been watching him and told him he couldn't have any chicken, beef, or pork for a month because he was a mean little bastard. She told him to wait 'til his dad got home. His dad came home and tripped over the pussy cat and he got mad and kicked that cat across the room. The little boy looked at his mom and said, 'Are you going to tell him or am I?'
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Food Joke
Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. 'Why are we running so fast?' asked one. 'Because, ' said the second, 'it says 'tear along the dotted line'!'
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Science Joke
What do you call a gay bar that has no chairs?- A fruit stand.
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Ghost Joke
Why did the ghost work at Scotland Yard? He was the Chief In-Spectre.
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Old Age Joke
There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart
Anon (Let us know if you know the poet!!)
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Elephant Joke
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming ? Here come the elephants
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Divorce Joke
Two men are talking. The first sez, 'I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes. ' 'Amazing, ' said the second, 'I just got divorced for the very same reasons. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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