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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of christmas jokes and poems and other funny jokes |
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Cop Joke
Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.
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Family Comedy Joke
For years 'n years they told me, 'Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests. 'So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, An always wore a bra. After thirty years of careful care, The doctor found a lump, He ordered up a Mammogram To look inside that clump. 'Stand up very close, ' she said, As she got my tit in line, 'And tell me when it hurts, ' she said, 'Ah, yes! There! That's just fine. 'She stepped upon a pedal. . . I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate was pressing down. My boob was in a vise!!!My skin was stretched 'n stretched From way up by my chin, And my poor tit was being squeezed To Swedish pancake thin!!!Excruciating pain I felt, Within its vise-like grip, A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit!!'Take a deep breath' she said to me Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is smashed in her machine, I can't breathe and woozy I am getting. 'There, that was good, ' I heard her say As the room was slowly swaying. 'Now let's get the other one. ' 'Lord, have mercy, ' I was praying. It squeezed me from the up and down, It squeezed me from both sides, I'll bet she's never had this done To her tender little hide!If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. . . If there had been a cyst in there, It would have popped, Ker-pow!!This machine was made by a man, Of this I have no doubt. I'd like to get his balls in there, For months, he'd go 'without'!!
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Idiot and fool Joke
Did you hear about the hillbilly who asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs. He wanted to start a dark room.
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Religious Joke
The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church. 'Good morning, Jonathan, ' the preacher said as he reached out to shake Joanthan's hand. As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. 'What's this?' the preacher asked. 'Money, ' said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, 'It's for you!' 'I don't want to take your money, Jonathan, ' the preacher answered. 'I want you to have it, ' said Jonathan. After a short pause Jonathan continued, 'My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you. '
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Ethnical Joke
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. 'And the Americans, they are so friendly!' he concluded. 'Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, . . . . 'Jose, can you see?''
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Easy to Remember Joke
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun. 'Now listen carefully, ' he told the homeowner, 'I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on''Ok, got it. ' the homeowner replied. 'But whats that shotgun for?''If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, ' the man said, 'shoot the Chihuahua. '
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Atheism is a non-profit organization.
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Car and train Joke
Policeman: Didn't you hear me whistle at you? Woman Driver: Sure, but I don't flirt when I drive.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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