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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of christmas card jokes and other funny jokes |
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Sport Joke
Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car'Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!!' No door. . . I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft! No roof. . . The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player. . . how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to. No heating. . . Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while. No coffee cup holder. . . Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other. No ashtrays and electric lighter. . . No windshield wipers. . . and they expect them to race in the rain? No windshields. . . Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand. No turn signals. . . How can they indicate they intend to pass? No headlights. . . No wonder they only drive in the day time. Only one brake light. . . Only one seat. . . How can a guy go necking with his girlfriend at the local drive in? No anchor for a baby seat. . . And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first? No trunk. . . No adjustable seats. . . (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well) High fuel consumption. . . Engines that don't last. . . Tyres that just wear off in no time flat. . . Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started. No sun visor. . . Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes. Talk about accidents waiting to happen.
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Priceless Joke
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, 'I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy'. 'So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?' asked Lucy as she fought back the tears. At a loss for something to say the father replied, 'Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven'. Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: 'Mommy almost died this morning'. Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, 'How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!''Well', mumbled Lucy, 'soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, 'Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!' and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy'.
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Bumper Stickers - 5
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
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Kids Puns
Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughterWho had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-lawAnd changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the fatherOf a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then becameA brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brotherTo the widow's grown-up daughterWho, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's motherAnd it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandmother too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have becomeThe strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
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Joke for Halloween
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Bible Joke
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy's mind, sat him and said: 'God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white. ' To which the child responded, 'Well, then is God Michael Jackson?'
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Miscellaneous Joke
Your Mommas so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
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Sports Humor
Coach Bowden was talking to the newest player on the team. 'It's fantastic the way you strike the line, dodge, tackle and weave through your opponents. 'Luke was a shy fellow, but blurted out, 'I suppose it all comes from early training, sir. You see, my mom used to take me shopping with her on sale days. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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