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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of christian jokes and humor and other funny jokes |
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Ethnical Joke
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example, observe the following examples below. The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means 'bite the wax tadpole' or 'female horse stuffed with wax' depending on the dialect. Coke then researched '40
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Statistics and Math Joke
Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide. Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green. Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide. From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
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Situation Joke
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, 'I'm off. The man should be here soon' Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, madam. I've come to. . . . ''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you, ' Mrs. Smith cut in. 'Really?' the photographer asked. 'Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'After a moment, she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results''My, that's a lot of. . . . . ' gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure' 'Don't I know it, ' Mrs. Smith said quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London''Oh my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with''She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look''Four and five deep?' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. 'Yes, ' the photographer said, 'And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in. 'Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'You mean squirrels actually chewed on your, um. . . . . . equipment?''That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work. ''Tripod?????''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? . . . . . . . Good Lord, she's fainted!!'
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Police Joke
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park. . . and couldn't find his way home. ' Oy Morris ', said grandma, ' You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? ' Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, ' I wasn't lost. . . . . I was just too tired to walk home. '
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Computers Joke
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?A: Rename the mail folder to 'instruction manuals
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Mad Joke
ARTERY--The study of fine paintings. BARIUM--What you do when CPR fails. BENIGN--What yoiu are after you be8. CAESAREAN SECTION--A district in Rome. COLIC--A sheep dog. COMA--A punctuation mark. CONGENITAL--Friendly. DILATE--To live longer. FESTER--Quicker. G. I. SERIES--Baseball game between teams of soldiers. GRIPPE--A suitcase. HANGNAIL--A coat hook. MEDICAL STAFF--A Doctor's cane. MINOR OPERATION--Coal digging. MORBID--A higher offer. NODE--Was aware of. ORGANIC--Church musician. OUTPATIENT--A person who has fainted. POST-OPERATIVE--A letter carrier. PROTEIN--In favor of young people. SECRETION--Hiding anything. SEROLOGY--Study of English knighthood. TABLET--A small table. TUMOR--An extra pair. URINE--Opposite of you're out. VARICOSE VEINS--Veins which are very close together.
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Pig Joke
Why did the piglets get in trouble in their stained glass class? They stained it with mud.
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Music Joke
Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. 'There's not much room on this page, ' he said. 'What shall I write?' Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, 'Write your repertoire. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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