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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of christian comedy and other funny jokes |
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Totally Weird Joke
Q: The perfect man, the perfect woman, and Santa Claus are in a car driving down the road and there is a fatal accident. There in only one survivor. Who is it?A: The perfect woman - Santa Claus is made up and there's no such thing as the perfect man!
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Baby Joke
What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet? Egyptian dummies.
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Computer Joke
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God. . . . 'Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go. ' 'Well, what's the difference between the two?' Bill asks. God says, 'I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision. ' 'Fine, but where should I go first?' 'I'll leave that up to you. ' 'Okay, then,' says Bill. 'Let me try Hell first. ' So Bill goes to Hell. It's a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect. He is very pleased. 'This is great!' he tells God. 'If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!' 'Fine,' says God, and off they go. Heaven is a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It's nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thinks for a quick minute and decides. 'Hmm. I think I'd prefer Hell,' he tells God. 'Fine,' replies God. 'As you desire. ' So Bill Gates goes to Hell. Two weeks later, God decides to check on the late billionaire to see how he is doing in Hell. When he gets there, he finds Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons. 'How's everything going?' he asks Bill. Bill responds, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, 'This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?' 'Oh . . . that was the SCREENSAVER. '
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Ant Joke
What is even bigger than an elephant ? A giant !
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Music Joke
A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, 'Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing. '
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Salesmen Joke
Ned: What does your Dad sell ? Ed: Salt. Ned: Well, my dad is a salt seller, too. Ed: Shake.
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Naughty Joke
'Doctor, I need your help, ' the woman says. 'What seems to be the problem?' 'My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?' 'Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?' 'Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've got to help me!' 'Er . . . Why don't you take a lover?' 'I have! I still don't get enough. ' 'Take another lover. ' 'I did. In fact, I have eight lovers - and I still don't get enough sex!' 'Gosh, that's an anomaly. ' 'Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me I'm a whore!'
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War Joke
A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, 'I think I'll just go and shoot myself. 'The sergeant said, 'Better take a couple of extra bullets!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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