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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of choice fm comedy club and other funny jokes |
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College Humor
Why are E. T. s eyes so big? Because he saw the phone bill.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change!
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Family Comedy Joke
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?A: Hump me Dump me.
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Business Joke
INTERVIEWER to job applicant: 'Do you think you could come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of their house?'
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Computer Joke
A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains,'I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5. ' Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, 'O. K. , if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50! ' Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?' Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5. Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?' The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep. The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, 'Well what's the answer to the question?' Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.
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Joke Online
A man is in court. The Judges says, 'on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?''Guilty', said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted 'You dirty rat!' The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued '. . . . . and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead'?'Guilty', said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, 'You dirty rotten stinking rat'!!At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, 'I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?'He replied 'He is my next door neighbor'. The Judge replied, 'I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments'. The man replied 'NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one'!!!
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Blonde Joke - 2
A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head. 'I need to take that walkman off your head, ' says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde. 'You can't! I'll die!' retorts the blonde. 'I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!' says the beauty specialist getting annoyed. 'I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!'The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating 'breath in, breath out, breath in'.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar I can't believe that!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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