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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of choice comedy club and other funny jokes |
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Travel and tourist Joke
Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives. 'Greetings! How is it going?' says the visiting anthropologist. 'Wonderful!' says the other, 'I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!' He points at a palm tree and says, 'what is that?' The natives, in unison, say 'Umbalo-gong!' He then points at a rock and says, 'and that?' The natives again intone 'Umbalo-gong!' 'You see!', says the beaming anthropologist, 'They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!' 'That is truly amazing!' says the astonished visiting anthropologist, 'On the other island, the same word means 'ind ex finger'!'
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Funny College Joke
World's Worst Pick-up Lines. . . I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long. Excuse me, do you have your phone number? I've seem to have lost mine. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house. If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?I love every bone in your body - especially mine. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into that cheap motel room. The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue. Guy: 'Haven't I seen you someplace before?' Girl: 'Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. '
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Practical Joke
A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. 'Is anyone interested in a little wager?' he said, flashing some large bills around. 'I've got $500. 00 here that says my gorilla can hit the ball longer and straighter than anybody here at this club. In fact, he hits it 500 yards right down the middle . . . every time!' Everyone in the pro-shop started laughing. After a moment, the newest pro at the club and the longest hitter in the area spoke up, 'I gotta see this!' he said. 'You know, what? I'll take you up on that wager! Meet you on the first tee. ' When they reached the 585-yard par-5 first tee the trainer led the gorilla to the tee box, put a driver in his hands, set a tee in the ground. The gorilla did the rest. Sure enough, he smashed his drive right down the middle and clear out of sight. When the ball finally came to rest it was on the green -- 6 inches from the cup. The pro was astonished. 'That's incredible!' he exclaimed. 'How did you train him to hit the ball like that!' There's no need for me to tee off. I couldn't beat him with a stick. Here's your money. ' As the pro walked off the green, still shaking his head, he turned back to the trainer and said, 'Oh, by the way, how does he putt?' The trainer responded, 'Just like he drives: 500 yards. Right down the middle. Every time. '
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Naughty Joke
An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. 'Oh honey', said the young nymph, 'Does that mean we're going to do it three times?' 'No', said the old man, 'It means you can take your pick. '
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Bumper Stickers - 3
God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
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Naughty Joke
The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume. 'This is called 'Perhaps
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Sad Joke
A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, 'You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening. 'The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. 'Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember, ' she says. 'I am going to treat you like a king!'She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the husband is wide-awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her. . . 'Honey?' he whispers. She rolls over and again proceeds to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again. 'Honey?' he whispers. She rolls over and yells, 'Oh sure!. . . You're not the one that has to get up in the morning!!!
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I've a split personality Well, you'd better both sit down then!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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