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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of china fun paper punch and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke - 1
The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.
'Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?'.
'No Dopey,' responds the Pontiff, 'there are not'.
'Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?', Dopey questions.
'No Dopey,' chuckles the Pope, 'there are no dwarf nuns in Italy. '
'Mr. Pope,' Dopey asks pleadingly, 'are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'
'No Dopey,' the Pope says sadly, 'there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world. '
And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting,
'Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin. '
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Confucious say 'Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. '
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Gorilla Joke
What gives a gorilla good taste? Four years in an Ivy League school!
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Cowboy Joke
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, 'Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat. ' The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. 'Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, 'All right buddy, what's you're name?' 'Sam, ' the cowboy moaned. 'Where ya from, Sam?' With pain in his voice Sam replied. . . . 'The balcony. '
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Travel and tourist Joke
Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, 'Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?' Father looks at her and says, 'Get outta me face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis. ' The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab and he's a little upset so he tells the cabby, 'Take me to my hotel and step on it. ' The cabby turns and says, 'Sure thing sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's so great to see you!' 'Shut up, you imbecile. I'm not Elvis! Now turn around and drive!' So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter. 'Oh my God! Oh my God! It's you!' screams the hotel clerk. 'You're back Elvis! I knew this day would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, and a full liquor bar! I'm so glad you're back!' Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, 'Thank you. . . Thank you very much!'
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Irish Joke
An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, 'Oy vey! What a wreck!' The priest asks him, 'Are you all right, Rabbi?' The Rabbi responds, 'Just a little shaken. ' The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, 'Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves. ' The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, 'Well, what are we going to tell the police?' 'Well, ' the priest says, 'I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'. '
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Humorous Joke
Did you hear about the three ministers who were talking about their common problem with bats in the belfry of the church?The first: 'I shot at them with a shotgun; but it only spoiled the woodwork. 'The second: 'I tried a more humane approach, netting them and releasing them 100 Km away. But they beat me back to the church!'The third (who was looking pretty smug): 'I caught them, and baptized and confirmed each one. I haven't seen them since. '
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Dumb Joke
What does an agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic do? Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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