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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of childrens joke books and other funny jokes |
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Banana Joke
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
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Drunks Joke
'Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?' asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. 'Well, I'd have to say it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much, ' answered the equally wasted gent. 'Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years and years now!'
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. As public television viewers in 12 cities sat glued to their sets while doctors in Philadelphia reconstructed 15-month-old Michele Miller's skull during a two-hour operation broadcast live, the girl's parents, Lynn and Paul Miller of Princeton, N. J. , opted to watch 'The Wizard of Oz' instead.
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Stupid Blonde Joke
A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. Thedoctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this wasan obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?The blonde said, 'Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commitsuicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait aminute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruinit. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait aminute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want toruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait aminute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! Sothen I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this isgoing to be loud!'
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Music Joke
Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment, dear.
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Mom Joke
Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring.
'There never was a daughter more devoted than my Judy,' said Mrs. Levine fondly. 'Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach. '
'That's nothing compared to what my Lois does for me,' declared Mrs. Stein proudly. 'Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer, two weeks in the Hamptons in my own private guest house. '
Mrs. Lipkin sat back with a knowing smile. 'Nobody loves her mother like my Patty does,' she said. 'Nobody. '
'So what does she do?' asked the two women, turning to her.
Mrs. Lipkin answered, 'Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just to talk about me!'
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Miscellaneous Joke
A fireman looked out of the fire house window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk. He had his little red wagon, and he had hung small ladders on the side of it, and coiled the garden hose up in it, and he was wearing a fireman's hat. He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon. The fireman thought this was really cute so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had. As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles. The fireman said, 'Son, I don't want to try to tell you how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog's neck you would go faster. ''Maybe so, ' said the little boy, 'But then I'd lose my siren!'
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?Because the runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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