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The
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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of cheeky monkey comedy club and other funny jokes |
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Office Humor
Woman: Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell me if you find it unusual. Doctor: Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined. Doctor (shouting): What a giant pussy!! What a giant pussy!!Woman (angry): Did you have to say it twice?!?Doctor: I didn't! I didn't!
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
Contrary to what people say, you can indeed drink to relax. Of course sometimes, you get so calm, you can't move.
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Dirty Joke
Question: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Answer: A Lickalotopus.
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Mad Joke
Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla 'How do you spell 'dumb'?'Darla says 'd-u-m-b, dumb'. The teacher says, 'very good, now use it in a sentence. ' She says 'Buckwheat is dumb'Now spell 'stupid'. Darla says 's-t-u-p-i-d, stupid'. The teacher says, 'very good, now use it in a sentence. ' Darla says 'Buckwheat is stupid. 'Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says 'Buckwheat, spell dictate. 'Buckwheat stands and says 'd-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate'. The teacher says, 'very good, now use it in a sentence. ''I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!'
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Internet Joke
Do you enjoy websurfing? No way! my mum warned me to stay away from the net!
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Pig Joke
A traveler was driving through Arkansas when he lost his way and got off the main highway. As he drove by, he saw rows and rows of pigsties and pigpens and pigs running in fields and pigs wallowing in mud. Suddenly, his eye caught something really strange. He did a double take, muttered to himself and then looked a third time. He wondered if he had seen correctly - it looked like a pig with a wooden leg!
He found the lane to the farm and drove up into the farmyard, where he was met by the farmer. 'Excuse me,' the traveler said. 'I was just driving by and looking at all your pigs, and I noticed something that I just had to stop and ask about. Tell me, did I see right? Is there really a pig out there with a wooden leg?' The farmer smiled. 'Oh, that would be old Caesar you saw. He's the finest pig a man could ever hope to have - and smart! Well, let me tell you a little about that pig. You see that barge down there on the river? That's a mining dredge, taking out platinum ore. Old Caesar sniffed out the vein and showed us how to set it up. Now that dredge brings me in about $120,000 every year.
'There's another thing, too, a little more personal. One night a couple of years ago I got to drinking and I guess I had more than I should have. I passed out drunk, fell down and knocked over a lamp. That started a fire in the house and old Caesar smelled the smoke. He came in the back door, got the wife and kid out, roused me up and got me out. 'There is no question about it - that night old Caesar saved all our lives and you know that is not the sort of thing a man is going to forget too easily. '
'Why,' the traveler said, 'this is all amazing! I have never heard of a pig like this before! This is fantastic! But tell me, how did he get that wooden leg? Was he in a wreck or something?'
The farmer laughed and said, 'Well, naturally, when you have a pig that smart, you don't want to eat him all at one time!'
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Bizarre Joke
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. 'How do they feel?' asks the sales clerk. 'Well they feel a bit tight, ' replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. 'Try pulling the tongue out, ' the clerk says. 'Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth. ' (DOH!)
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School Joke
A history joke
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
On their feet!
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!
A history joke
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted Mark Antony!
Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren't listening the first time!
Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!
Teacher: Name an animal that lives in Lapland!
Pupil: A reindeer
Teacher: Good, now name another.
Class: Another reindeer!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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