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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of chat rooms without signing up and other funny jokes |
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Drunks Joke
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy askingwhat time the bar opens. 'It opens at noon, ' answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even=drunker. 'What time does the bar open?' he asks. 'Same time as before. . . Noon, ' replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. 'Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?'The clerk then answers, 'It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, Ican have room service send something up to you. ''No. . . I don't wanna git in. . . Ah wanna git OUT!!!'
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Mad Joke
One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route. At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, 'What's your name?' 'Patty' she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus. On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him 'Special Ross. 'Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons. Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty. On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking. . . 'Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!'
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Police Joke
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, 'SPEED TRAP AHEAD'. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted 'TIPS' and a bucket of change.
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Worst Joke
Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown?A: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
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Website Joke
Why was Cinderella able to surf the web? Because he footman turned into a mouse.
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School Joke for Kids
The Missing Toupee!On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, 'Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!'The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon. Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, 'Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!'This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him. 'Excuse me, sir, can I help you?'The elderly man looked up and said, 'Well, sonny, you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it. I thought I'd found it twice, but they were both parted in the middle. . . and mine's parted on the side!'
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Bar Joke - 1
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says 'Do you know your monkey stole my beer. ' The pianist replies 'No, but if you hum it, I'll play it. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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