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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of cell phone picture jokes and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets 'em down on the bar. And then the bartender said 'Now dont you start anything!!'
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Redneck Joke
On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said 'Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty - it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon. 'God continued, 'I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth. ''But Lord, ' asked Gabriel, 'don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?''No, not really. ' God replied. . . 'Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them!'
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Spoof Joke
New College Courses for Men as Prepared by Women:1. . . Combating Stupidity2. . . You, Too, Can Do Housework3. . . PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut4. . . How to Fill an Ice Tray5. . . We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money6. . . Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am7. . . Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled 'Don't Wash my Silks')8. . . Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception9. . . Get a Life: Learn to Cook10. . . How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong11. . . Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right12. . . Understanding Your Financial Incompetence13. . . You: The Weaker Sex14. . . Reasons to Give Flowers15. How to Stay Awake After Sex16. . . Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom17. . . Garbage: Getting it to the Curb18. . . You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try19. . . The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower20. . . I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please21. . . How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled 'No, It's Not a Bidet')22. . . 'The Weekend' and 'Sports' are Not Synonyms23. . . Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bullshit24. . . How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost25. . . The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency26. . . Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex27. . . Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes28. . . Mother-in-Laws: They are People Too29. . . Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home30. . . You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver31. . . Seeing the True You (formerly titled 'No, You Don't Look Like Brad Pitt When Naked')32. . . Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works33. . . The Attainable Goal: Omitting TITS From Your Vocabulary34. . . Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary35. . . Techniques of Calling Home36. . . Introductory Foreplay: The Drive Home Does Not Count.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Halloween Joke
What do witches eat at Halloween ? Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie !
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Death Row Barbie . . . comes complete with cell; raunchy cellmate sold separately
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Legal Humor
Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she's prejudice. 'I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin. ' 'Sit down, ' says the judge. 'That's the prosecuting attorney. '
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Funniest Joke
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God. . . . 'Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go. ' 'Well, what's the difference between the two?' Bill asks. God says, 'I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision. ' 'Fine, but where should I go first?' 'I'll leave that up to you. ' 'Okay, then, ' says Bill. 'Let me try Hell first. 'So Bill goes to Hell. It's a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect. He is very pleased. 'This is great!' he tells God. 'If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!''Fine, ' says God, and off they go. Heaven is a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It's nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thinks for a quick minute and decides. 'Hmm. I think I'd prefer Hell, ' he tells God. 'Fine, ' replies God. 'As you desire. 'So Bill Gates goes to Hell. Two weeks later, God decides to check on the late billionaire to see how he is doing in Hell. When he gets there, he finds Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons. 'How's everything going?' he asks Bill. Bill responds, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, 'This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?' 'Oh . . . that was the SCREENSAVER. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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