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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of casino fun game most online and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Kids
The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic. Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians!' The throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner. When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion. Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people. Tweeeeeeeet! 'Okay, pedestrians!' The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot but never budged from the sidewalk. Finally, after the cop yelled 'Okay, pedestrians!' for the third time, the blonde shouted across traffic, 'Yo! Officer! Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?'
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Easy to Remember Joke
A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes tofind the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring acauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing. 'A magic potion' she replies. 'Well what does it for' he asks. 'This potion will make anyone anexcellent golfer. 'At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She isagreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on hissex life. After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion. He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game ofgolf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. Hespends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at everycourse he manage to get to and having a wonderful time of it. Aftera year he finds himself back at the same course where he found thewitch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talkto her. 'Well', she asks, 'How has your game been?' 'Great! This has beenthe best year of my life. I have played all over the country andnever lost a game. ''And how about your sex life?' 'Oh, not bad. ''Really? This stuff can really ruin a guys sex life. Say, how manytimes did you have sex last year?' 'Hmmmm, it was three, no, fourtimes. ''And you call that not bad?' 'Not for a priest with a small parish. '
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Ghost Joke
Ghost: Are you coming to my party? Spook: Where is it? Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say, the morgue the merrier.
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Stand Up Joke
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians werepulling the pins and throwing them back.
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Computer Joke
Michael Jordan made over $300,000/game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averaged about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day (working or not)! Assuming he slept 7 hrs a night, he made $52,000 every night. If he goes to a movie, he'll pay $7. 00, but he'll make $18,550. He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000), it would take him a whole 12 hours. If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year. In one year, he made more than 2X as much as past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it? . . . BUT: JORDAN WILL HAVE TO SAVE 100% OF HIS INCOME FOR 270 YEARS
TO HAVE A NET WORTH EQUIVALENT TO THAT OF BILL GATES.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
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Children Joke
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before. ' He stands up and says, 'Before, B-E-P-H-O-R. 'The teacher says, 'No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?'Another little boy stands up and says, 'Before, B-E-F-O-O-R. 'Again the teacher says, 'No, that's wrong. ' The teacher asks, 'Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?'Little Johnny stands up and says, 'Before, B-E-F-O-R-E. ' 'Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?'Little Johnny says, 'That's easy. Two plus two be fore. '
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Dirty Joke
A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do '69'. 'What the hell is that?' asks the guy. Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain, 'I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine. ' Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get in to the position, she lets go a rip-roaring fart. 'What was that for?' he asks. 'Oops! Sorry, lets try it again. ' she says. So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. 'Wait, where are you going?' she asks. The guy says, ' If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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