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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of casino edition fun gambling profit second and other funny jokes |
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Aviation Joke
A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?' Keith replied, 'No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs'. Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
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At Work Joke
As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer's stunning, blonde staffers was transferred to an obscure base in Utah. The woman reported to her new Commanding Officer and handed him her orders. He glanced at them and said, 'Well Private, your duties here will be pretty much the same as your last assignment. 'The girl sighed and said, 'Yes Sir. I kind-of figured that. Will it be OK if I drape my uniform over this chair?'
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Pensioner Joke
What's the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance salesmen.
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Humorous Joke
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small 'x' in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, 'This is where your problem is'. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $'50
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Family Comedy Joke
And God Created The WomanHe was so pleased with his creation that he calls in three of his top advisors: His chief Carpenter, His Chief Tailor, and His Chief Architect. He presents his creation to his Chiefs and asks them for suggestions and comments. The Carpenter says: 'Too many forms, you need to straighten things out, flatten it out. ' God replies, 'No I like it that way, but thanks'Then the Tailor says: 'Too many strings (hair) sticking out, you need to trim them. ' God replies, 'No I like it that way, but thanks'Then the Architect says: 'Wonderful creation, absolutely superb, but next time, please do not place the toilets next to the reception room'
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Kids School Joke
What have 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can't see?Three blind mice!
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Relationships Joke
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends andsays with a warm smile, 'I gladdened seven hearts today. ' 'Seven hearts?' asks the friend. 'How did you do that?' The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, 'I performed three marriages. ' The friend looks at him quizically. 'Seven?' he asks. 'I could understand six, but. . . ' 'What do you think' says the rabbi, 'that I do this for free?'
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Bar Joke - 1
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, 'I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye. ' The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it. He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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