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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of carpool jokes and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Holidays
Three men die and go to heaven. They meet up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, and he says, 'Well, there's not that much room left in heaven, so you have to tell me an interesting way that you died, and if it's interesting enough, I'll let you in. 'So St. Peter goes into his office and calls in the first man. He says, 'I was coming home from work one day early, and when I walked in the door, I had a strange suspicion that my wife was cheating on me. I walk into our room and sure enough, find her sprawled out naked alone on our bed. Sure that the guy was in the house, I searched frantically to find him. . . Under the bed, in the closet. . . Finally I found him hanging from our ledge on our balcony. Furious, I stepped on his hand and he went plummetting two stories down. However, he landed in a bush and I wasn't sure if he was dead yet. So I pushed the refrigerator out onto him. Later, I felt so guilty I committed suicide. ''Wow, ' said St. Peter, 'that's a pretty fantastic story. 'So St. Peter calls in the second guy. He said, 'One day, I was having an argument with my wife. She gets so mad that she pushes me right out the window of our fourth-story apartment. So, quickly I grabbed onto the ledge of a balcony on the second floor. Then, suddenly, some nutcase steps on my hand and I go plummeting to the ground. Luckily I landed on a bush, but then the nutcase drops a fridge on me!'Then St. Peter called in the third guy. He says, 'Alright, picture this: You're naked, and in a refrigerator. . . '
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Parent Joke
What didn't Adam and Eve have that everyone else has? Parents.
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Funny Kids Joke
What did the Grizzly pack for his vacation?
Just the bear essentials.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
I Have The Body Of A God. . . Buddha
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Various animal Joke
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ? After a week he was spotless !
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Parent Joke
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: 'Some parents, ' she said, 'tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family. ' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife. '' One of the women spoke up immediately. 'Does she cook???'
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin from her body, so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable would have to come from his rear end. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everyth ing you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you. ' 'My darling, ' he replied, ' think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek. '
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Business Joke
A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread. . . . ’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken. . . . ’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church. ”
The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed. ”
“Well,” says the Tyson man, “we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread. . . . ’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken. . . . ’”
Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed. ”
Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer
from ‘give us this day our daily bread. . . ’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken. . . . ’” and he leaves.
The next day, the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and bad news. “The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion. ”
“The bad news is that we are losing the Wonder Bread Account. ”
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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