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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of cam to cam fun and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Speeches
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, 'Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. 'The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
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Satire Joke
Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?A mental hospital.
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Stand Up Joke
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, 'Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark. ' And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark. 'OK, ' Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, 'I'm your man. ''Six months and it starts to rain, ' thundered the Lord. 'You better have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long time!'Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark. 'Noah!' shouted the Lord, 'where is My ark?' A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah. 'Lord, please forgive me!' begged Noah. 'I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark'sconstruction, but your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a fire-sprinkler system. 'My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board. ''Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the Ministry of Natural Resources that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls. ''Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind. ''Just when the suit got dismissed, Environment Canada notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. ''Then, the Conservation Authority wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!''Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire. ''Revenue Canada has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the province that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years. 'With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. 'You mean you are not going to destroy the world?' he asked hopefully. 'No, ' said the Lord, 'the government already has!'
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Law and Lawyer Joke
Have you seen the current remake of the movie 'Cape Fear'? It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?
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Ethnic Humor
A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder. . . thebartender looks up and says ' where the hell did you get that thing?The Parrot replies ' Over in Africa, there's millions of them ' !!!!
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Travel and tourist Joke
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, 'I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket. ' The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, 'I've got a better idea. . . let's pretend we're married. ' 'Why not?' giggles the woman. 'Good, ' he replies. 'Get your own blanket. '
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Blonde Joke - 1
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. 'Miss Smith, ' he said finally, 'it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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