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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of cafeteria jokes and other funny jokes |
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Dumb People Joke
Do you suppose that it occurs to the power company that they are making a double pun when they send their bill commanding 'Please Pay Current Charges'?
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Mad Joke
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital! Nurse: What is it? Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now.
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Weirdest Joke
Men are like. . . . Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you. Men are like. . . . Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like . . . . Vacations. They never seem long enough. Men are like. . . . Bank machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest. Men are like . . . . Weather. Nothing can be done about either one of them. Men are like. . . . Blenders. You need one but your not quite sure why. Men are like. . . . Cement. After getting laid, they take along time to get hard. Men are like. . . . Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. Men are like. . . . Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long. Men are like. . . . Commercials. You can't believe a word they say. Men are like. . . . Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off. Men are like. . . . Government Bonds. They take so long to mature. Men are like. . . . Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong. Men are like. . . . Lawn Mowers. If your not pushing one around, you're riding it. Men are like. . . . Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like. . . . Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while. Men are like . . . . Snowstorms. You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last.
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Old Age Joke
Thought I'd let my doctor check me, 'Cause I didn't feel quite right. . . All those aches and pains annoyed meAnd I couldn't sleep at night. He could find no real disorderBut he wouldn't let it rest. What with Medicare and Blue Cross, We would do a couple tests. To the hospital he sent meThough I didn't feel that bad. He arranged for them to give meEvery test that could be had. I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped, My aging frame displayed. Stripped, on an ice cold table, While my gizzards were x-rayed. I was checked for worms and parasites, For fungus and the crud, While they pierced me with long needlesTaking samples of my blood. Doctors came to check me over, Probed and pushed and poked around, And to make sure I was livingThey then wired me for sound. They have finally concluded, Their results have filled a page. What I have will someday kill me;My affliction is old age.
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Funny College Joke
yo momma so stupid that she asked you what kind of jeans you had on. And you said Guess so she said Levi's.
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Redneck Joke
What are the last words that a redneck usually says before he dies?'Hey ya'll. Watch this!'
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Cowboy Joke
Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs? He was always horsing around.
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Priceless Joke
There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black. So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass. While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd - 'If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?'He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed '487'. The shepherd said 'WOW! That's right. . . well. . . take any sheep you like. . . a deal's a deal'So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says 'WAIT!Now I have a deal for you. . . . if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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