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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of burns night jokes and other funny jokes |
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Sad Joke
Your Momma is so ugly that any position is doggy style.
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Kids Puns
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either, ' and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer the phone?' She says, 'I was in bed. ' 'In bed this early, doing what?' Shouts the doctor. 'Getting a second opinion!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Thaddeus.
Thaddeus who?
To be or not to be, Thaddeus the question.
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Free Adult Joke
His pointers are 'null' / uninitialized. His puzzle is missing a few pieces. His reaction time is longer than his attention span. -- Thaves His root file system isn't mounted. His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position. His shared libraries aren't installed. His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon. His spark can't jump the gap. His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth. His stack's not very deep / he has an eight-byte stack. His string's aren't 'null'-terminated. His strip is demagnetized. His system administrator is never in. His train tracks aren't quite parallel. His URL denies outside access. His watch dog is sleeping. His wisdom is stolen from bumper-stickers and T-shirts. Hitler's evil twin. Hyperspatially interconnected / permanently disconnected neural net. Hypnotized as a child and couldn't be woken. I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth. If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage. If brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose / her hat off / the wax out of her ears. If brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to drive a dinky car around the inside of a cheerio. If brains were grains of sand, he couldn't fill a dixie cup. If brains were lard, he'd be hard pressed to grease a small pan. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. If brains were water, hers wouldn't be enough to baptize a flea. If God tried to help him, we'd have an eight day week. If he donated his brain to science it'd set civilization back 50 years.
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Joke for Speeches
What were Jesus' last words at the last supper?'Ok, all you guys who want to be in the picture, get on THIS side of the table'
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Totally Weird Joke
Q: What's the major cause of divorce?A: Once is not enough.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Don't wish for it. . . work for it.
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Joke for Halloween
Just after I got married, I decided to have a night with 'the boys. ' I told the misses that I would be home by midnight. . . promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a. m. full as a boot, I went home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. The next morning the misses asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one!She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said 'Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'shit, ' cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice then giggled. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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