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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of bromley comedy club and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
Teacher: Didn't you know the bell had gone? Fred: I didn't take it, Miss.
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Free Adult Joke
Doesn't have his belt through all the loops. Doesn't have sixteen annas to the rupee. Doesn't have the brain power to toast a crouton. Doesn't have the sense God gave an animal cracker. Doesn't have two neurons to rub together. Doesn't just know nothing doesn't even suspect much. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. -- Billing Doesn't know which side the toast is buttered on. Doesn't put the cross-hairs on the target. Doesn't quite sample at the Nyquist rate. Doesn't suffer from ear pressure when flying at altitude. Donated her body to scientists. . . Before she was done using it. Downhill skiing in Iowa. Driveway doesn't quite reach the garage. Driving at night with the lights off. Driving with two wheels in the sand. Dropped his second stage too soon. Dumb as asphalt / dirt / a mud fence / a stump / a sack of hammers. Dumber than a chicken / box of hair/rocks. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group. Ears are redirected to /dev/'null'. Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing. Echoes between the ears. Eight pawns short of a gambit. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor / penthouse. Elevator goes all the way to the top but the door doesn't open. Elevator is on the ground floor and he's pushing the Down button. End of season sale at the cerebral department. -- Gareth Blackstock Enjoys listening to telemarketers. Enough sawdust between the ears to bed an elephant.
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Very Silly Joke
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. 'Ma'am, ' said the cop, 'I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy. ''Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home, ' responded the Amish lady. 'That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!' instructed the cop. Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. 'Well, dear, what exactly did he say?' asked Jacob. 'He said the reflector is broken, ' replied the lady. 'I can fix that in two minutes. What else?' wondered Jacob. 'I'm not sure, Jacob. . . something about the emergency brake'. . .
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Spoof Joke
The president of ABC decided that it was time to build a new factory. He asked representatives from three development companies to come in and make a bid on the project. The three companies showed up at the scheduled meeting. The president of ABC asked the first company, Bruin Construction, who's president earned his MBA from UCLA, ' How much will your company charge for this project?' '2 million, ' said Bruin. '1 million for materials and 1 million for labor. 'Then president then asks the same question to the second company, Cardinal Construction, whose president earned his MBA from Stanford. Cardinal answered, '3 million, 1. 5 million for materials, 1. 3 million for labor, and 0. 2 million for licenses and permits. 'Finally, the president asks the last company , Trojan Construction, whose president earned his MBA from USC. Trojan answered, ' 4 million. ''FOUR MILLION, ' yelled the president of ABC. 'How do you breakdown the cost?'Trojan replied, '1 million for you, 1 million for me, and 2 million to get the guy from UCLA to build the factory!
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
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Clean Humor
A professor of a Freshman Psychology course had a class of 400 students. His final exam was scheduled very early 8am-10am. The professor told his students that his final was not a cumulative final and just covered the information since the last midterm, so in essence, the final was just like a midterm and would only require 1 hour of the 2 hour alloted time. The professor told the students to bring a large Blue Book (fyi: a Blue Book is a standard testing tool used throughout many universities. It's basically a thin 10 blank pages of college ruled notebook paper with a blue cover. They are purchased at the student book store. ) The professor was adament that the students were only going to have 1 hour and not one minute more to complete the essay style exam. The students requested the exam to begin at 9am instead of 8am since they only had an hour. The professor denied the request because the professor prefered to use the second hour to begin grading the exams. The students moaned at the idea of waking up early. On the morning of the exam, the test began at 8:10. At 8:'35
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Joke Online
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: 'For Women Only. ' Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. 'We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside. ' So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: 'All the men on this floor are short and plain. ' The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: 'All the men here are short and handsome. ' Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: 'All the men here are tall and plain. ' They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: 'All the men here are tall and handsome. ' The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: 'There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman. '
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Instrument Joke
A man walks into a shop. 'You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremolo?''You're a drummer, aren't you?''Yeah. How'd you know?''This is a travel agency. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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