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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of british comedy dvd and other funny jokes |
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Worlds Best Joke
By Bill AdlerA Teenager is. . . A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number. . A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast. . A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday. Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room. A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed. A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license. A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study. An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes. A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud. A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother. A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a Michael Jackson concert. A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week. A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off. A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing. An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
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Telephone Joke
How do scaredy-cats answer the phone? Yellow?
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Family Comedy Joke
Where do you look for blondes' obituaries? Under 'Home Improvements. '
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Why do blondes like blonde jokes?It makes them feel popular.
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Computer Joke
How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One, to generate a 'ChangeLightBulb' event to the socket.
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Space Joke
Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, 'Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now'!
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Zoo Joke
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: 'I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience. ' He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: 'I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience. ' Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. 'Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose, ' he typed. 'Please send us two of them. '
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Humor Joke
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5000. and the interest which is $15. 41. The loan officer says, 'We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us , is why would you bother to borrow $5000 ?' The woman replied, 'Where else in New York, can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15. 00?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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