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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of bratz fun and games and other funny jokes |
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Car and train Joke
Policeman: Didn't you hear my siren? Motorist: Sure, That's why I sped up.
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Joke for Halloween
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitely small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task. 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan. 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.
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Dirty Joke
What did the banana say to the vibrator? 'I don't know why you're shaking. . . she's gonna EAT me!'
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q: How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself? A: Acupuncture.
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Funny College Joke
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!! It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car usingmy knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!WOMEN DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Bar Joke - 2
Why are some men uncircumcised?The doctors were afraid of causing brain damage to the infant.
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Travel Humor
Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for solong, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been marriedand he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on theplane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, 'Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?' Father looks at her and says, 'Get outta meface. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis. ' The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab andhe's a little upset so he tells the cabby, 'Take me to my hotel andstep on it. ' The cabby turns and says, 'Sure thing sir - Oh my God!It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's sogreat to see you!' 'Shut up, you imbecile. I'm not Elvis! Now turnaround and drive!' So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter. 'Oh my God! Oh my God!It's you!' screams the hotel clerk. 'You're back Elvis! I knew thisday would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, complementary hookers and a full liquor bar! I'm so glad you're back!'Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, 'Thank you. . . Thankyou very much!'
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Old age Joke
Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?' 'I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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