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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of brats fun and games and other funny jokes |
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Kids Puns
Rumors have been circulating regarding what the troopers were shouting after they found the man hiding Elian Gonzalez in a closet during the raid of the house that was illegally holding him. Some people claim they were shouting, 'Bingo!Bingo!Bingo!' Others claim it was 'Score!Score!Score!'But the real truth is, when the trooper ripped open the closet door and was brought face to face with the fisherman holding Elian, he shouted, 'Drop the chalupa!'
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.
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Friendship Joke
If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong? Made her chain too long.
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Children Joke
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. 'What's the matter Johnny?' asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: 'that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home. . . I just want her to stay with you guys. '
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Joke for Halloween
'This is my tryout for Nascar. ' 'I've got to get back to Amish Country before they realize that I am missing. ' 'That McDonald's offer is for a Limited Time only and buddy, that could run out at ANYTIME!' 'I'm trying to rush home for the new Hanson video debut on MTV. ' 'Cause those Gorditas rule. ' 'Uh-Oh. . Wapner's on. . . I'm an excellent driver. ' 'Trying to see how fast a Yugo can go. ' 'Umm. . I'm drunk?' 'Trying to outrun the radio signal that is playing that lousy Alannis Morisette 'Uninvited' song!'
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Horse Joke
What do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup.
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Short Stupid Joke
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, 'It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. 'Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, 'Now, just a minute. Listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels-the phone is still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife -- she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And Mister, I TOLD HER!'
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Elderly People Joke
Willy's rolling down the hall of a retirement home actinglike he's driving a car, an orderly turns the corner andasks Willy what he's doing. Willy replies, 'I'm going to Chicago for the weekend. 'The orderly chuckles and enters Bob's room to check on him. He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he is doing, Bob replies, 'I'm screwing Willy's old lady while he's awayin Chicago. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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