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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of bowl n fun selby and other funny jokes |
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Bible Joke
It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest: 'Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic. ' 'Well, ' answered the priest, 'That's not a sin. ' 'But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed. ' 'I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause. ' 'Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question. . . ' 'What is that, my son?' 'Do I have to tell him the war is over?'
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true? 'No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face. '
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Mad Joke
A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: 'Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob. ' He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: 'My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken. '
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Job and Office Joke
USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. No, my powers can only be used for good. How about never? Is never good for you? I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me You sound reasonable. . . Time to up my medication I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. Who me? I just wander from room to room. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys! At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
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Fun Funny Joke
How do you open a can of beer?That's not the point - it should be open when she gives it to you!
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Birthday Joke
First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday? Second boy: No, I'm having a witch do. First boy: What's a witch do? Second boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells.
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Elderly People Joke
An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. 'What's she got that I don't have' she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies 'Parkinson's'
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Joke for Halloween
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, 'Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want. 'The Russian begins thinking, 'Well, I really like drinking vodka. ' Finally the Russian says, 'I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka. 'The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted. The Russian yells to his wife, 'Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!' She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night. The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up. Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, 'Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka. 'His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, 'But Boris, why do we need only one glass?'Boris raises the glass and says, 'Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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