|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of birthday jokes for kids and other funny jokes |
|
Bar Joke - 2
PLEASE ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE SPEAKINGWhenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. -- Mariah CareyQuestion: If you could live forever, would you and why?Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contestResearchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. . . . The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. -- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign. I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DCBeginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued. . . . Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January '1
= = = = = = = = = =
Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, December '13
= = = = = = = = = =
Language Joke
1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren't necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should never generalize. 10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. '11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 13. Be more or less specific. 14. Understatement is always best. 15. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 17. The passive voice is to be avoided. 18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 20. Who needs rhetorical questions?21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 22. Don't never use a double negation. 23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point24. Do not put statements in the negative form. 25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. 26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out. 27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing. 28. A writer must not shift your point of view. 29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with. )30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents. 32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. 33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. 34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. 35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. 36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. 37. Always pick on the correct idiom. 38. The adverb always follows the verb. 39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.
= = = = = = = = = =
Mouse Joke
Who is king of all the mice ? Mouse Tse Tung !
= = = = = = = = = =
Kids Fairy Tale Joke
What steps do you take when a bear is chasing you?
Very big ones!
= = = = = = = = = =
Mother Joke
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. . .
'Just wait until your father gets home. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Judge Joke
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: 'Why can appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?' The devil answered: 'We have all of the judges. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together? A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
