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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of big night out comedy and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads. He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife's cup and said, 'Sugar, sugar?' Joe thought this was great and continued to listen around the dining room. Another table over Joe observed the following. A man spooned out some honey out of a bowl for his wife and asked, 'Honey, honey?'Again Joe thought this was good stuff. Finally, he cut off a piece of his meat, stared longingly into his young wife's eyes and said, 'Ham, pig?'
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American Joke
Tommy`s house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is losing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten dollar bill.
Grandpa is pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again, he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it. Tommy grabs the other ten. Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty.
Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the twenty. Grandpa finally shows the stunt to daddy. Daddy's quite surprised but doesn`t pay too much attention at the moment.
A few hours later, daddy who is very concerned about Tommy`s poor decision, walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar bill and a twenty.
'Of course,' answers Tommy. 'So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty?' asks dad.
Tommy, with a wide smile answers, 'Well dad, if I would have chosen the first twenty dollar bill, do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen more times?'
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Rabbit Joke
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
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Funny Kids Joke
What did the clean dog say to the insect?Long time no flea!Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War?Robert E Flea!What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor?Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go!What do you call a cheerful flea?A hop-timist!What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear?Shot it!What did one flea say to the other after a night out?Shall we walk home or take a dog?What did the romantic flea say?I love you aw-flea!How to fleas travel?Itch hiking!What is the difference between fleas and dogs?Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs!Why did the stupid boy wear a turlte neck sweater?To hide his flea collar!
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Children Joke
My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, 'You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?'
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Totally Weird Joke
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic, his surgeon comes in and tells him: 'Well, I've got good news and I've got bad news for you. ''Give me the bad news first, Doc. ' says the patient. 'I'm afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son. ' 'Oh my god!' the patient cries, breaking into tears. 'But the good news, ' the doctor adds, 'is that we had them biopsied and you'll be relieved to know that they weren't malignant!'
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Lawyer Joke
Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A. From chasing parked ambulances.
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Restaurant Joke
Two little boys were visiting their grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, 'Just bring them bread and water. ' One of the little boys looked up and quavered, 'Can I have ketchup on it?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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