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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of big fun 4 kids maidenhead and other funny jokes |
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Men Joke
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
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Aviation Joke
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heard her son said, 'All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the plane, cause we're going to take-off now. ' The mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your plane, but I want you to use nice language. ' Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his plane. Soon the mother heard her son say, 'All passengers who are deplaning, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for flying with us today and hope your tr ip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us again soon. ' She hears the little boy continue, 'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the plane. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. ' As the mother began to smile, the child added, 'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen. '
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Great Joke
Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, 'What are you up to there, Johhny?''Well, my goldfish died, ' replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, 'and I've just buried him. 'The neighbour was concerned, 'That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?'Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied. . . 'That's because he's inside your cat!'
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Relationships Joke
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to herobstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, 'Myhusband wants me to ask you. . . ''I know, I know. ' the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on hershoulder, 'I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late Inthe pregnancy. ''No, that's not it at all, ' Brenda confessed. 'He wants to know ifI can still mow the lawn. '
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Snake Joke
What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ? Thanks, I'll just have a sliver !
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Computer Joke
If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.
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Strange Humor
You might be a child of the 80's if. . . . . . you have deep, personal relationships via computer with people you've never met in real life. . . . the phrase 'going courting', to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis. . . . you know, by heart, the words to any 'Weird' Al Yankovic song. . . . not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your attention. . . . you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder form, thankyouverymuch. . . . you think the 'the Gay 90's' refers to this decade and sexual orientation. . . . the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories. . . . you remember the first time 'Space: Above and Beyond' aired - it was called 'Battlestar Galactica'. . . . songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day. . . . three words: 'Atari' 'IntelliVision' and 'Coleco'. Sound familiar?. . . you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it was the ONLY WAY to use your computer!. . . you remember the days when 'safe sex' meant 'my parents are gone for the weekend'. . . . you remember 'Friday Night Videos' before the days of MTV. . . . you ever owned a pair of 'Pop-Wheels' - that handy little combination of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year on the open market. . . . a predominant color in your childhood photos is 'plaid'. . . . you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's, pissed that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted too much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and still have no clue what the 90's are all about. . . . you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those childhood photos, and they still look bad. . . . while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play '1999' by Prince over and over again. . . . you remember when music that was labeled 'alternative' really was. . . . one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was to Robert Smith of the Cure - 'What WAS that head on the door thing, anyway?'. . . you were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which you were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when someone mentions the name 'JFK', the first thing you think of is 'Oliver Stone'. . . . you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to 'It's the end of the world as we know it'. . . . you can't remember when the word 'networking' didn't have a computer connotation to it as well. . . . you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you. . . . you knew all the words to Billy Joel's 'We Didn't Start the Fire', but it really didn't hold any meaning for you until about the third verse. . . . you've ever conversationally used the phrase 'Jane, you ignorant slut'. . . . you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're older, you really understand that it would have been much better had you known about drugs at the time. . . . you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: -- 'When I was younger . . . ' -- 'When I was your age . . . ' -- 'You know, back when . . . ' -- 'Because I SAID so, that's why. ' -- 'What the HELL is this noise on the radio?' -- 'Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to. '. . . you can't remember a time when 'going out for coffee' DIDN'T involve '49
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Hair and bald Joke
A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked by one and asked, 'How'd you get such lovely blonde hair' Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, 'It's natural. ' The guy walked by the second girl and asked, 'How'd you get such pretty brown hair?' Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, 'It's natural. ' Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, 'How'd you get such cool green hair?' Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, 'It's natural. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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