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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of best text message jokes and other funny jokes |
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Heaven and hell Joke
A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates. The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell. The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc. ; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell. The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said 'You've already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven. '
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Office Humor
This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider. 'Well, Father, ' began the old man, 'At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her. ''That's a wonderful thing, ' interjected the priest, 'But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!' 'It's gets worse Father, ' continued the elderly fellow, 'I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors. 'The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, 'Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly. ''Thank you Father, ' said the old man. 'That's a load off my mind! Can I ask another question?''Of course, my son, ' said the priest. The old man asked, 'Do I have to tell her that the war is over?'
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: How is a cat laying down like a coin?A: Because he has his head on one side and his tail on the other!Q: Why are cars longer in the evening than they are in the morning?A: Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning!Q: What cat purrs more than any other?A: Purrsians!Q: How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters?A: C-A-T!Q: Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin?A: There was some money in the kitty!Q: What does a cat call a bowl of mice?A: A purrfect meal!Q: Why did the cat sleep under the car?A: Because she wanted to wake up oily!Q: What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese?A: He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath!Q: What is another way to describe a cat?A: A heat seeking missile!
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Satire Joke
THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Runners-up: [AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said. Matthew David Hubal, '22
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Dumb Joke
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, 'Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?' The third fellow says 'I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees. ' The first two guys were amazed. 'What happened then?' they asked. 'She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'. '
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Father Joke
“I’m worried about you always being at the bottom of your class,” said the father to his son.
“Don’t worry Dad,” he replied. “They still teach the same thing at both ends. ”
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Blind Joke
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, 'What are you doing?!!' The blind man replies, 'Just looking around. '
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Drunks Joke
A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way downa one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. 'Didn'tyou see the arrow, buddy?' he asked. 'An arrow?' the confused driver said. 'I didn't even see theIndians
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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